Pat Getz

Katherine of Aragon was in a huff. She wanted to punch that uppity young lady in waiting in the face. That Anne Boleyn. Why did Henry have her brought to court anyway? Didn’t she already have 15 ladies
in waiting? Katherine , standing at a window, whirled round in anger to face the King.
“But I do not require yet another lady in waiting, M’Lord”. “Tell me…what is the REAL reason she is here”?
“Sweetheart” Henry tried to calm his wife. “You have put on so much weight as of late, and you are getting older..remember, Sweetheart, you are older than me by several years”. “I just think you need all the help round this drafty old castle that you can get”. “I have not noticed that mistress Boleyn is half your age…and your weight, and that she…..”

Katherine stomped her heel down on the Kings
foot, sending him into spasms of pain.
“MY weight”!!!
Katherine spat at Henry.
“You ride the most enormous horse stabled here, because you would kill any other with YOUR poundage”. “What was your weight, again, when last Dr. Waters was here”? 435? You strut round here like
the cock of the walk, when you look like a
stuffed, over-cooked sausage”.
And with that, Katherine stormed out of her chambers, slamming the door behind her, Henry bending over…well, kind of bending over, to massage his foot.

Jane Parker had been listening at the door to Katherine’s rooms. She was very adept at listening at doors. Windows. Hallways. She had it down pat. Being one of the Queens ladies in waiting, she always had ample opportunity to apply her best talent. With this newest information, she sped down the hall toward the great room to find someone…anyone…she could gossip to. Oh, my, she thought to herself when she entered the area where all the ladies in waiting were hovering around the Queen, why, speak of the devil, there
stands Anne Boleyn, just now. Jane slithered her way across the room to Anne.
“Mistress Boleyn” simpered Jane. “What’s up with you”? “Causing
trouble and chaos, already, this day, hmmmm”?
“Oh, drop dead, June”, replied Anne.
“It’s Jane, fired back mistress Parker.
“Thats what I said, Jen”.
Anne was provoking her, and she could see that Jane was not taking it well.
Katherine of Aragon clapped her hands together to get all the ladies’ attention and said to the room. “We have a young lady here, this day, who is new at court and she is going to sing for us. Mistress
Boleyn will do us the honors, this morning”.
“Mistress Boleyn” Katherine gestured toward Anne. “Please”.
Anne was mortified. She didn’t
know how to sing. She didn’t even sing in the shower. Well, mostly because there were no showers, yet, but…just sayin’.
“M’lady, I beg you”. Anne pleaded with the Queen. “I do not know any songs to sing, and were to God I could sing them if I did know of any”. Anne was near tears and the Queen and her ladies were clearly enjoying her discomfort.
“Nonsense”, replied Katherine. I would guess you are a nightingale.
Jane Parker all but burst out laughing. “Have you not listened to KING 1528”? “It has all of the
latest duets and compositions” Surely you have
heard of it, then”? Katherine prodded.

Anne stood in front of all these women, one a Queen, and started to do her rendition of “Red Solo Cup”. When she was finished, the Queen gave Anne a standing ovation and had Anne ushered out of the room. As soon as Anne was gone, Katherine laughed until tears were streaming down her face. Jane Parker, holding on to her sides, was bent double, trying to catch her breath from laughing so long and so hard.

Meanwhile, Anne was sitting on a bench out in the courtyard, seething with embarrassement and
anger. She would show them all. Even the mighty Queen Kat . She could see the King over in the
corner of the courtyard, watching her, and she walked over to him. She noticed that he had no
shoe on his left foot and it was wrapped in a cloth.
“Trip over your own ego, this day, M’Lord”? Anne purred.
“Anne” “How lovely to see you”, Henry replied. “Have you got a moment”? “I would like to show you this special room up in the tower”.
“Come along”. “Your really going to like what I have in mind”.

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