I shall start off by quoting verbatium what I wrote in the “Was Anne a Good Mother” thread, but add some more:

She was not, sadly, a kind step-mother. Her and Mary's contentious relationship probably would never be overcome. Even if Anne had have survived and birthed a son, I doubt Mary's feelings for Anne would soften or vice-versa. Anne attempted to appease Mary and tried to break the ice, but demanding recognizing Anne as Queen was not the best way to go about it. Then again, whatever woman (according to Mary's thinking) who upsurped her mother would be held in total disregard.

 I feel that if we claim Anne was misunderstood, than Mary must also be given the fairness. Both these woman were under stress, in voliatile positions, and their reactions were to blame the other party for their problems. These woman were more alike then either would ever acknowledge: headstong, intelligent, devout, and desired, above all, Henry's approval.

I agree with Mya about Mary's increasing isolation from her beloved mother, which was unfair and cruel. Anne had nothing to do with that, but that does not mean she did not play a role in it. While I adore Anne, I recognize she was human, flawed, and, at times, cruel. I cannot excuse her malevolent behaviour toward Mary, but that does not mean I see her as a bad person.

Rather, I try to understand Anne's position within the context of her situation. Anne was known to be incredibly kind to those within her faction. She was charitable, considerate, and loving. But, she had a mean streak, and Mary felt the brunt of it. For all Anne's outwardly confidence, I believe her to be increadibly insecure who feared Mary to her core. She knew her position was unstable, she was being threatened constantly, and there must have been a level of fear that she would fall foul much like KOA.

I remind myself I must see it also from Mary's perspective, and come to understand how this poor child must have felt as her world was falling apart. I know, if I were Mary and I found myself in a similar situation, I would hate my step-mother and find it hard to find any love for her. Having said that, it wasn't just an annulment, but a totally realignment of Mary's position. She went from heiress presumptive to a Lady. From the apple of her father's eye to a nusiance and rebellious child. From being at her mother's side to be her sister's handmaiden. Lastly, Mary was going to blame Anne. The only other person to blame was her father, and she was not going to try that approach. Anne was an easier target. However, that does not remove the blame from Anne either.

As much as i hate to admit it….Anne wasn't the greatest step mom and maybe that had to do with Katherine being her enemie or Elizabeth but i don't think Mary deserved every cruel treatment she got…and most of those treatments were Henry's doing. I understand both Anne's and Mary's views.

  I do not believe that Anne and Mary would have ever seen eye to eye on anything. This was not just any stepmom/stepdaughter relationship. There was a crown involved.  Anne was desparate to make sure that Elizabeth was Henry's heir to the throne.  Mary felt that position was hers.  The twain shall not meet.

 Mary was in desperate straits. As a child she had been adored.  The apple of her parents' eye.  Suddenly all that is gone.  She and her mother are banished to different places and they are forbidden to visit each other.  Her father won't speak to her.  Mary's life started crumbling when Anne came into the picture as a future wife.  Of course, she is going to blame the new wife for her changed circumstance. What a shock it must have been when after Anne's death, Henry would not return Mary to favor.

Anne's need to see to her daughter's future caused her to say and do some pretty nasty things as far Mary, and Katherine, were concerned. There were times when she tried to approach Mary and call a truce, if that's the right phrase, but Mary shunned her.  That  had to make Anne angry.  Mary refused to accept Anne as Queen.  It wasn't only Mary, however, who was causing Anne's anxiety.  Anne knew there was a big faction at court that agreed with Mary, and they were waiting for the chance to pounce.  This I think is what scared Anne the most.   

So, can I say that Anne was a good stepmother?  No!   But I try to see both sides in this story. My heart goes out to both women.   I keep coming back to who should be blamed, and that's the all-powerful King Henry.  He was a bad father, and a worse husband.  The women surrounding him acted out as they did because of his whims. 

Caire-Louise, I don't know if Anne and Mary could have been friends in that lifetime.  Maybe if Anne had not caught Henry's eye?  Maybe then. 

wreckmasterjay said:

wow a FANTASTIC topic to debate and some great answers too!!!

 

My opinion is that at the time of Henry and KoA getting divorced, Anne was NOT a mother herself therefore did not know what motherly love was in that sense. Only after Elizabeth was born did the bond between mother and child start and only then may she have realised about that kind of unconditional love….but by then it was too late for her and Mary to share any kind of relationship as the damage had already been done.

Exactly…until I had DD1 the whole “mother-stuff” was a different country.

However given the similarity of temperatment between KoA, Mary and AB it's not surprising that sparks flew..while H8 encouraged from the side-lines.