Posted By Claire on October 31, 2021
A heightened feeling of anxiety runs through me, this is a familiar feeling, I must run, I have someone to see, this is a matter of life and death. I run down a long corridor, I must see him, I must, but who, see who? Why must I see this person, my minds muddled. Just a few more steps, almost there, but arms reach out and grab me, strong arms, more than one person is trying to stop me! Horror, they are dragging me back, forcefully cruelly, I am powerless against them. My screams echo along the corridor as they drag me back to my room, my prison, I weep uncontrollably, but I’ll try again. I will, over the days, the years, the decades, the centuries one day I’ll reach him, and them maybe I will be at peace.
My first day at Court, my drab wardrobe is thrown aside, I am given the most beautiful gowns, silk gowns, of all colours, I am to be lady in waiting to the Queen, what an honour, from my grandmothers house where I am poorly dressed, I suddenly am wearing the clothes I should have always worn, I am from a very important family, I deserve to be dressed like this.
It’s such fun living here at the Court, the dancing, the parties the attention I get from handsome young men, and also from older men, I feel happy I know the men like me, I enjoy flirting and giggling with them, but I always remember I am here to serve the Queen, she seems sad, poor lady.
This man, this very old man, this King has noticed me, he flirts with me, and strokes my hair, and slaps my bottom, I darent deny him, even though he is so old and makes my skin crawl. But he wants me with him, he buys me jewels, presious jewels, fine silks , indeed I am showered with amazing gifts, I am pampered and petted., as he sits me on his knee and strokes my thighs, and runs his fingers through my hair, it repulses me, but I get used to it, he is so kind, and so generous, I warm to him, I enjoy being spoilt and treated as if I am very special, I guess I am in his eyes.
I’m not sure how this has happened, the Queen has gone, poor lady, she is no longer the kings husband, but his sister, how can that be. The King has asked me to marry him, my heads in a spin, I don’t want to marry this old man, kind as he is. I’m young and full of life, I want to dance and be jolly and flirt with the young men, and chat and giggle with the girls of my age. But marry we do, how can I refuse the King of England.
Such a kind and thoughtful husband he is, the presents and kindness increase, I can put up with his groping, his desperate rubbing against me with his manhood, I hold him, I stroke his cock, I kiss it and take it into my mouth, but mostly it remains like a sad lump of flesh with very little life In it. I straddle him naked against his nakedness, I take his cock into my hands and try to encourage entry to me, with very little success, it slides lifelessy to one side. He gets frustrated and angry, but I soothe him with my kisses, and tell him he is wonderful, it’s my fault not his, who could not admire and lust for such a magnificent figure of a man, I say it’s my fault, I will try better. He believes me and is soothed and sleeps like a baby full of wind, and snores loudly.
A certain young man is very familiar with me, it’s such fun, it reminds me of dalliances I had with other men, at mr Grandmothers house, I was caught and my grandmother beat me soundly. No one can punish me now for having fun, I am The Kings wife, I am The Queen. It’s just fun, no harm can come by having fun. As long as it goes no further and no one finds out.
It does go further I am enamoured by this young man, I can’t get enough of him, with the help of my lady in waiting, I meet with him, again and again.
Some days the King is ailing he shuts himself away, which leaves me free to have fun, to dance and to find my lover and mate like two young beasts at rutting season. The King recovers, I am relieved, I thought maybe he was tiring of me, I enjoy my position at Court I love his gifts and attention, he is kind to me, I am very special to him, he loves me dearly. I am fond of this kind old man who treats me so well.
I love dances, I love the classes, we young ladies have good times following the instructions of the our dancing teacher, we giggle at his attempts to show us the steps by demonstrating to us. Indeed he is very good, very graceful, but he is a man and men don’t dance in that manner, this has us all laughing until tears run down our faces. Loud footsteps are approaching, like stomping, marching, the door is thrown open. “Madame “ the leader says “the time for dancing is ended, you are to come with me, you are under arrest”
I am confined to a room, with just my First Lady in waiting with me. I am scared, I beg to see my husband, I ask what has happened why am I being treated like this, my mind goes back to my cousin, previously married to the King and her dreadful fate, My lady in waiting was sister in law to that earlier Queen, indeed I am sorry for her, my lady in waiting, she has done so much to assist my meetings with my lover. My lover! Where is he, is he safe?
I must see the King, he will understand I will tell him I love him, it’s true I do, he will save mem he loves so dearly, if only I can reach him, I know what times he goes to his prayers in his chapel it’s so close to where I am held, a short way up the corridor, I chose my time carefully, I take my chance, I break free and for the first time I run up the corridor, I must get to the King, he will forgive me, he will pet me, and cuddle me, and all will be well.
But as in each run, I am caught and hauled back to my room my frantic cries can be heard by all around. Some are angry with me “The harlot, the wicked girl” some are sad “poor lady, she had no choice” but of cause they will only think that, not repeat it.
I am moved to a grand house, alone, I have a kindly man, who is my jailor, he sees my plight, and is gentle towards me. My lady in waiting is thrown into a dungeon.
I am besides my self with grief, I am so scared, I shake, and talk wildly, I am questioned repeatedly, these wise men trip me up with there questions. I beg to see the King, I’m terrified, this can’t be happening, what are they going to do with me, will they drag me to the green, to the scaffold, no I can’t bear it, I cry and shriek like a mad woman and collapse on the floor, exhausted. I sleep, when I wake I am trapped in fearful trance, I can cry no more.
A man comes to my room, he announces that he has come to escort me to the ‘Tower’ ? that dreadful place, that has witnessed such horror and cruelty is to be my final home. I am taken to a barge, I look back pleading with my jailer for help, but he is powerless, I know that, he can do nothing, he has tears in his eyes as I go. The journey down the river is hard, I am so alone, there is no one to put a tender arm around me and say “don’t fret, my darling, all will be well. Glancing up I see the Bridge, the bridge has some fresh heads adorning it, as a warning, don’t cross The King, oh my goodness, it is my lover, my handsome young lover, his head is their for the birds to feed from. I abandon all hope, the Tower is in sight.
I am informed that I am to be ready myself for execution, in the early hours of the following day. One thought comes to my mind, I ask for the block to be brought to my cell so I may practice laying my head dowm, so I can die with dignity. All night I practice, I sob, and I pray, I am so fearful, how will I get through this. But yet I must, I must face this death and all my troubles will be over.
They come for me, I am taken by these big men with their huge axes, suddenly my lady in waiting is along side me, so she is to join me today, the price she must pay, for assisting me with my crime. My wicked crime of adultery, I just wanted a lover of my own age, I would have done all in my power to make the King happy, but I sinned I betrayed him, I deserved to die.
The shouts of harlot, and treason ring through my ears, I am dazed, this doesn’t feel real, I try to climb the scaffold, my legs won’t work, I feel strong arms lifting me, I hear sobs, “ my god, she is just a child” some woman says and then I hear other sobs, I feel the tears welling up in my eyes, I’m shaking so. My lady in waiting is first, the axe, the blood and over. Now it’s my turn, I speak with a shakey voice to the crowd, I say I wished I hadn’t married the King, I would rather be the wife of my lover. It came out badly, the crowd murmoured and sighed, I cant change my words so I cross myself . The tower warden assists me forward, laying my head on the block I am ready. It’s over, but my soul is restless.
Return to Hever
Coming out of some strange kind of oblivion, my senses were reviving and with them came the feeling of complete peace, I could feel the grass beneath me, and I could smell the grass, the smell of fresh spring grass, of nature coming to life around me.
Ahead I could see a river, and its banks were spread out before me, I could hear birds singing, the song of the cuckoo echoed above the others. I felt warm and comfortable a feeling of pure tranquillity engulfed me.
I looked around and everywhere seemed at peace, I fancied to be in the midst of acres of lush meadow, with trees everywhere, some were tall oak trees that towered above me. There were shrubs, some green, some with flowers, some in bloom, some in bud they added colour to the surroundings and looked beautiful.
I heard a twig snap, and a rustle, I looked around to see a deer, she stopped what she was doing, she looked directly at me, she was startled and ran off into the undergrowth.
As I walked on I could smell something sweet, a familiar and comforting smell, it was the smell of roses, roses in springtime, when they were at their very best. Roses in the month of May.
I could see a man walking towards me, although he held a gun, he was a kind looking man, he had a cap on his head and wore the clothes of a working man, I thought him to be a game keeper of sorts. Smiling I walked towards him, I looked at him and I smiled, thinking to wish him a good morning and exchange some words with him, but the man looked straight at me and carried on walking.
Walking a little further on, I could see what looked liked a castle, the castle had a moat around it and a bridge that would lead to the entrance, it was wonderful, red ivy clung to its walls, what a site to behold. Looking to my left I thought in my minds eye, to see three children at play, two girls and a boy, one girl was pretty and fair haired the other girl was dark haired as was the boy. I heard a mans voice, I guessed he was their father, he called to them to come inside now.
Suddenly a feeling of intense fear, ran through me, I was kneeling down, there was straw beneath me, a man stood to my right, a man who was wearing a mask, there was a rustle and a whistle, the flash of a sword, the feeling of a sharp fleeting pain through my neck which jolted me back into my tranquil surroundings, I felt another feeling, a feeling of contentment, and feeling of being home.
As I turned to my left, I saw ahead of me a bright welcoming glow, I knew now where I was, I knew what had happened to me, I could see the smiling face of my brother George, as he took my hand and led me towards to the light.
What a lovely story! Thank you, Pauline!