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If the Tudors were around today, what shows would they appear on?
March 24, 2011
8:33 pm
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Anyanka
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I think the Great Matter would make a fantastic episode of Jerry Springer.

It's always bunnies.

March 24, 2011
10:05 pm
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Bella44
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Or something like the Sopranos but with a higher body count….

March 25, 2011
7:30 am
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Sharon
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Pick a soap opera.  Any one will do.  The Bold and the Beautiful comes to mind.  And no, I don't watch them.

March 25, 2011
8:08 am
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Chrystinamarie123
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Is it bad I could see Henry VIII on Jersey Shore? I mean I know he didn't have the looks for the show but I could see him running around acting just like the guys on that show do. 

I could SO see an episode of Jerry Springer though.

Mary: I was in love with Henry but then he left me after I had his two babies and has been trying to get with my sister!

March 25, 2011
8:50 am
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MegC
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Um….Henry on America's Most Wanted much?  Dubbed as “The Lady Killer”.  

And, in keeping with an inordinate number of American serial killers, his middle name would have to be “Wayne”.

Henry Wayne Tudor.

And he'd have to be known by all three.

 

As for Jerry Springer, here's what I imagine:

Jerry:  Mary isn't the first girl Henry has loved and left.  Let's meet Bessie…

<<Enter Bessie Blount>>

…she says Henry told her he loved her then left her when she became pregnant with his son.

<<Audience boos at Henry>>

Henry (at the audience):  What?  What?!  You don't know me!!! 

"We mustn't let our passions destroy our dreams…"

March 25, 2011
11:49 am
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Anyanka
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Not forgetting the ever-popular sci-fi series…

 

Court Trek

 

Court…the final frontier. These are the marriages of King Henry Tudor. His continuing mision to marry strange new women,to seek out new and brutal  ways to end his marriage. To boldly move on  when the next one comes along…..

It's always bunnies.

March 25, 2011
2:14 pm
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Wendy
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The Ex Factor Laugh

March 25, 2011
4:08 pm
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DuchessofBrittany
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The Maury Povich Show. It seems whenever I scan the tv channels, and this show is on, the theme is paternity tests, abusive and controling husbands and sex secrets. Sounds like Henry and his love life?!

"By daily proof you shall find me to be to you both loving and kind" Anne Boleyn

March 25, 2011
6:02 pm
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Chrystinamarie123
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MegC said:

As for Jerry Springer, here's what I imagine:

Jerry:  Mary isn't the first girl Henry has loved and left.  Let's meet Bessie…

<<Enter Bessie Blount>>

…she says Henry told her he loved her then left her when she became pregnant with his son.

<<Audience boos at Henry>>

Henry (at the audience):  What?  What?!  You don't know me!!! 


LMFAO yes!

 

Guys I think we need to write a Jerry Springer Tudor Spoof haha

March 25, 2011
7:58 pm
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MegC
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Bessie (to audience/Jerry):  That's right, Jerry.  I was with his sorry a@@ for eight years!  Eight years, Jerry!  

(Jeers from the audience)

Jerry (to Henry):  Eight years is a long time.  What do you have to say about that, Henry?

Henry:  Well, you see, Jerry it was like this:  My woman, Kathy, she from Aragon, Ohio, but she just lost her mojo.

Jerry:  Her mojo?

Henry:  Yeah, you know, her mojo…I mean, when we first was together, things was all hot, but, lately…

Jerry:  You mean, you weren't attracted to her anymore?

Henry:  Well, yeah, Jerry.  And then Bessie came along and she was all fine and I couldn't help myself, Jerry.  I mean, look at her.

Jerry:  So you admit you have had a relationship with Bessie.  Tell us what happened when Bessie got pregnant.

Bessie (interrupting):  Why you askin' him for??  I tell you what happened.  He decided that the baby wasn't his and he said he wasn't going to take care of it or buy Pampers for it and he sent me back home to live in my mama's trailer.  Didn't even come to the hospital when the baby was born.

(Boos from audience)

Jerry (to the audience):  Henry has agreed to take a DNA test to determine if Bessie's son, Henry Fitzroy, is his son or not.

(Response from audience.  Applause, cheering, etc.)

Bessie (talking over audience):  Everyone know he is.  They look exactly alike when they was babies.

(Images of Henry VIII as a baby and Henry Fitzroy flash on the screen.  “Ahhhhs” from the audience).

Jerry:  Henry, if this test determines that you are baby Henry's father, are you prepared to take responsibility?

Henry:  Jerry, I always take care of my responsibilities.  I ain't no deadbeat dad, yo.

Bessie:  That is such a lie, Jerry!  

Henry:  Shut up, B*tch!  What do you know!?

Bessie:  What about Mary Boleyn's babies?  Everybody know them babies be yours.  And now you tryin' to get up all in her sister's pants.

Jerry (to camera):  We'll find out the results of the DNA test after this (fade to commercial).

 

Sorry, I can't do Springer without thinking ghetto. 

"We mustn't let our passions destroy our dreams…"

March 26, 2011
8:31 am
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Chrystinamarie123
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Hahahah! No it was perfect!

“My woman, Kathy, she from Aragon, Ohio.”

 

I busted out laughing at that part haha

March 27, 2011
2:39 pm
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Bella44
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MegC – that was comedy gold; I'm still laughing now!!!!!!!!!!!

March 27, 2011
9:37 pm
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Anyanka
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( fades back from commerical break)

Jerry: Before we reveal the resuts of the DNA test, lets welcome Henry's  much wronged wife…Katherine!

 

Audience: cheers and  a few ' God Bless your majesty”'s

 

Jerry:  So Katherine How do you feel about Mary and Bessie??

 

KoA: I am destined to be queen of England and these women are below me.God Himself hath chosen me for this role.No-one can take it from me..

 

Jerry: How do you feel about Henry Fitzroy??

 

KoA: Should it be proved he is my husband's son…then Henry should provide for him. But his existance proves nothing about our marriage..

 

Henry: I can get sons with other women…You're at fault! God has cursed our marriage  because of  you!( Henry is restrained by Jerry's minders)

 

Jerry: The DNA test shows Henry Fitzroy is your son, Henry. So how are you going to recompense Bessie over this??

 

Henry: Tommy Wolsey has found a man to marrry Bessie and I'll duke Henry as Duke of Richmond.And there'll be  a lot of dosh!

 

Jerry: And Mary's children??

 

Mary: I'm not leting them be tested!

Cut to KoA….sobbing!

 

Jerry: After the break, the woman described as ” The Scandal Of Christendom”. How does Anne feel about being the other, other, other woman in this tangled relationship!

fades to commerical break.

It's always bunnies.

March 28, 2011
6:14 am
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MegC
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Tommy Wolsey!  Hahaha!  I have this image of this Italian mob guy…he's the guy who “knows people” and “can arrange things”.  He wears a three-piece Armani suit, his hair is slicked-back a la Jersey Shore, and he attends Mass every Sunday with his dear mama which is how he earned the nickname Tommy “the Cardinal” Wolsey.

ETA:  He also wears gold rings on all his fingers, including a big pinkie ring with a massive ruby in it.  He is “The Cardinal” after all 😀

"We mustn't let our passions destroy our dreams…"

March 28, 2011
10:23 pm
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MegC
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Jerry:  Welcome back.  We're here with Henry Tudor.  He is currently in the process of divorcing his first wife, Kathy, with whom he has one daughter, Mary…  

(Boos from the audience)

…we've all ready met two of Henry's mistresses.  The first one was Bessie, and we've just confirmed through DNA testing that Henry is, indeed, the father of Bessie's son, Henry.  Then there was Mary.  Mary has two children, Catherine and Henry–it's getting difficult to keep all these Henrys straight–but she's declined having them tested, is that right, Mary?

Mary Boleyn:  That's right, Jerry.  They have a father.

Jerry:  Now, let's meet Anne Boleyn.

(Anne enters from off-stage.  The audience boos as she takes a seat on the stage, intentionally sliding her chair away from the other women on the stage and positioning herself closer to Henry).

Jerry:  Welcome, Anne.

Anne:  Thank you, Jerry.

Jerry:  You are Mary's sister, isn't that correct?

Anne:  Yes, Jerry, it is.  (More boos from the audience)

Jerry:  How did this happen?

Anne:  Well, it's pretty simple, Jerry.  When Mary was pregnant this last time, Henry just sort of noticed me…

Mary (bitterly to Anne):  Yeah, and I'm sure it had nothing to do with how you set out to be noticed–flittin' around in your French hoods and fashionable dresses.  I bet you've showed him your ankle a time or two!

(The audience gasps in shock).

Anne (to Mary):  The same as you did, Sister.

Mary (to Anne, rising to her feet):  You took my place in his bed!  If you hadn't inserted yourself, he would have come back to me!!

Anne (rising to her feet as well):  What?!  You honestly think he was going to take you back into his bed after all the weight you gained?!  Face it, you're a cow!

Mary (gasps in rage):  How dare you!!  (The two girls fling themselves at each other, knocking over chairs, pulling hair, scratching and clawing at each other.  The handlers leap to pull them off each other, while the audience takes up the chant, “Jer-ry!  Jer-ry! Jer-ry!”)

Jerry (after the girls have taken their seats.  Anne's hood is askew, Mary has a long scratch down her cheek)  Well, then.  Anne, I understand you have something you'd like to tell Henry.

Anne:  Yes.  (She turns to look at Henry and takes his hand in hers)  Henry, I have important news.  I'm pregnant!

(The audience erupts in various sounds of shock from 'Oh no you didn't's to 'Ooooooo' to gasps and everything in between.  Katherine, who had just managed to get her sobbing under control, breaks into a new round of large, gasping sobs.  Mary sits stunned.  Bessie Blount gets up in a rage and storms off the stage).

Jerry:  Well, I didn't see that one coming.  Coming up, we'll meet Anne and Mary's brother, George.  You don't want to miss it.

(Fade to commercial)

"We mustn't let our passions destroy our dreams…"

March 30, 2011
9:31 am
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Sophie1536
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DALLAS!……could you just imagine Henry as JR!
How great would that be, they could all live in the Tower Of London and fight, bitch and scream at each other over titles, land, illegitimate children, jewels, land, adultry……you name it they'd fight over it, lol!
It would definitely get the best tv rating!

http://i255.photobucket.com/albums/hh144/nicksbabe28/Backstreet%20n%20Graffix/Image4-1.jpg

March 30, 2011
10:36 am
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MegC
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Sophie1536 said:

DALLAS!……could you just imagine Henry as JR!

How great would that be, they could all live in the Tower Of London and fight, bitch and scream at each other over titles, land, illegitimate children, jewels, land, adultry……you name it they'd fight over it, lol!

It would definitely get the best tv rating!


Dallas would be AWESOME!  Though, I do admit, Dallas went off the air when I was, like, ten, so I don't remember it much.

I guess it's safe to say the Tudors would NOT appear on something like Friends.

"We mustn't let our passions destroy our dreams…"

March 31, 2011
6:54 pm
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Anyanka
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Fade from break

 

Jerry; Let's meet George.

 George enters and heads to Anne, kissing her and congratulating her before exchanging fist-bumps with Henry.

 

Katherine in tears, : Henry( sob)you p..p..promised you had never slept with Anne (sob).

 

Henry: I never slept with Anne…we… we just had sex…

 

Audience boos…

Mary : Look at you George, all over Her like it' s your kid.(turns to Katherine) Jane tells me Henry and Anne have been at it like rabbits.

 

Jerry : Who's Jane?

 

Mary : George's wife for all the attention he pays to her…(laughs bitterly). Anne's the only one he has feelings for. Not me, neither of them ever cared for me.

 

Anne : yeah…you managed to find comfort in other peoples arms…and beds. Francis called you his English mare. Goodness knows how much I had to listen to him descibe how you were in bed. Heck the whole French court laughed at you!

 

Mary launches herself at Anne again, more fighting to the chant of ” Jer-ry, Jer-ry”…Order restored, Jerry sits for his final thought.

 

Jerry : well, A Tangled Web indeed. Henry…you need to make up your mind leading all these women on with promises is a bad thing. Mary, you need to get over your lack of self-respect and grow up.

 

We've all done things in our youth which have made us better people if we allow them to be . I hope all our guests today can take that away with them…

It's always bunnies.

March 31, 2011
7:33 pm
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Anyanka
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On today's Jerry Springer..10 years on, who can remember this guy?? Montage of Henry,Katherine, anne and Mary fighting.

 

Jerry : Welcome back Henry…

 

Audience boos.

 

Jerry: So Henry, when we last met , it was early 1533, it's now 1543. What's been happening with you?

 

Henry : well Jerry. First of all, I had my amrriage to Katherine Annulled and married Anne. Me and Anne had a daughter ( pictures of Elizabeth shown to oohs from the audience). Then there was a miscarriage. Then, sadly, Katherine died (applies tissue to eyes). It was a natural death. I paid for a proper burial and everything….(sobs, while looking round ). Anne lost a baby a few days later.  Then  Anne died a natural death too..

 

Jerry ; Anne was beheaded.

 

Henry : A natural  death for some-one who had cockcolded me with 5 men, one of whom was her brother( gasps from the audience), treasonous conduct and probably poisoning people…including Henry Fitzroy…who died a few weeks after Anne's death. And witch craft ( more gasps) I was bewitched…she made me do things to my daughter Mary…bad, bad things….

 

Jerry : Then the following day, you were bethrothed to Jane. Weren't you being a bit ….eager?

 

Henry: Well, I was so in love with Jane. I just had to snap her up before any-one else did.

 

Jerry: So some 2 weeks after Anne was executed you married Jane?

 

Henry: Yes and we were blissfully happy for 2 or 3 days…THen MAry was a problem.

 

Jerry : Oh??

 

Henry:JAne wanted her to return to court. And I said no, until Mary signed papers saying she was illegitimate. She wouldn't so….well, I sent Norfolk and Suffolk ( Norf and Sarf I call them)to beat some sense into Mary. Eventually MAry agreed and came to her senses and returned to court. And then JAne had a son, Edward( picture shown to  ooohs form the audience) and then (sob, tissue to eyes) JAne( sob) died ….more sobs while Henry peers round tissue to judge how the audience is reacting..

 

Jerry : Was this a natural death too??

 

Henry : I guess so. What do we men know of child-birth? That's women's stuff…(sobs)

 

Jerry: makes comforting sounds, Then what happened?

 

Henry: well a few friends tried to get me back into the singles scene. Settting me up with blind dates and sending me pictures of suitable royals…Then Crommy ( Thomas Cromwell) suggested Anna von Jülich-Kleve-Berg and Hans sent me some revealing pictures. well I was smitten and decided there and then to marry her.

 

Jerry : And here is Anna von Julich-Kleve-Berg.

 

Cheers from audience, she curtseys to Henry and he raises her and kisses her cheeks.

 

Jerry : But all was not well,  atfer the break..The sad break-up of yet another marriage for Henry.

 

Fades to break

It's always bunnies.

April 14, 2011
8:12 am
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Boleynfan
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Honestly, I can see Henry and his wives on Saturday Night Live.

"Grumble all you like, this is how it's going to be"

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