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Worried....
February 28, 2013
7:37 pm
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black_mamba
Texas, USA
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Hey, I hope it’s okay for me to talk about this. I’ve been really worried the past couple of days because of a situation that has arisen.
See, I live next door to my in laws. We live out in the country, on 10 acres of land. Me and my husband have our own house, pay our own bills, etc. My in laws are just our neighbors. I guess a lot of people would hate to live that close to their in laws, but we’ve never had any problems. Me and my husband have been married for (almost) three years and we have a little boy who turned 2 in January.
Now my husband’s sister J(I’ll just use intials to protect identies) my sister in law lives with my in laws in their house. She’s almost 30 and has a really good job at a bank and could even been in a management position soon. Now, about two years ago she met a guy online. They were going to go out on a date, but the car he borrowed broke down or something so they didn’t go out. He got arrested like a day later. I’m assuming it was a third strike type deal, because mu husband said they don’t throw someone in jail for 2 years for what he did. I think it was something like stealing a bike. (Yeah I know Confused ) Anyway, she waited for him, visited him in jail, and they called each other, etc. In December he was released. He’s been living at my in-laws ever since. This guy, B, has been working with my father in law. My FIW owns his own plumbing business and agreed to hire him. Anyways, he does go to work with him, but NOT all the time. There’s was always a day or two where him and J both took off work. So anyway, several days ago, he got a call about a parking ticket, and if he didn’t go to the courthouse they would put out a warrant for Bs arrest. So, my FIW drove him to Austin, and dropped B off at the courthouse. About 3:00 pm NOBODY had heard from B. J finally got ahold of somebody on Bs phone saying that the phone had been turned into lost in found at a gas station. She went to Austin to get it. The next morning J gets a call from JM (The guy who raised B after his dad died) B had called him from a gas station saying he had been beat up. So J is finally able to get a hold of him, and she goes and picks him, and brings him back. Bs story is that he left the courthouse at 2:45 PM went to get something to eat, sat down on a bench to eat, and the next thing he knows he wakes up in a ditch and has mysteriously lost 12 hours. B says he was found by two cops. My mother is an RN and has worked in ER’s for almost 20 + years. She told me that in a case like that, with a head injury, unconsciousness, and lost time, the cops would not just ask you if you need to go to the ER, and if you said no, then say pick your stuff up and get out of here then. I find it hard to believe. Anyone with a little medical knowledge knows head injuries can be very tricky.
J believes his story, but me and my husband, and many others think it’s a crock. There have been new rules implimented since the incident Monday and Tuesday. He is to have someone with him 24/7 and they won’t leave him alone here with just me and my two year old here. But, my in laws don’t trust him, even if J does. My in laws told her, that if he does anything like that again, he is gone. If J loves him and wants to be with him, she can go with him. While, I agree, I don’t want to wait for the other shoe to drop. I’ve got a two year old. I don’t want riff raff like that around. We have NO idea about what he’s done in the past or associated with. I know my mother has a friend who does background checks, so maybe I should have a background check on the guy?? I don’t know, I just don’t like this situation. I hope I’m not being too judgemental. People make mistakes, and deserve a second chance. But, I’m afraid this person is just a moocher. I mean there is NO telling what he could have been doing that night. If he’s lying about what he was doing, it’s because he knows he was doing something he shouldn’t have been doing!! And I don’t understand my in laws. If they don’t trust the guy, then why are they letting him live there?? Yell
Oh, this whole thing is just infuriating!! I’m sorry but I really needed to get this out. I know there are many parents on here, and I need your advice. Am I being too judgemental?? If not, what should I do? My in laws are like, What more can we do? Kick them out? I don’t know. Maybe I should do a background check on this guy. What’s ya’lls advice?
Thanks for listening to me rant! I know it’s long! Embarassed

At times I almost dream, I too have spent a life the sages' way,
And tread once more familiar paths. Perchance I perished in an arrogant self-reliance
Ages ago; and in that act, a prayer For one more chance went up so earnest, so
Instinct with better light let in by death, That life was blotted out—not so completely
But scattered wrecks enough of it remain Dim memories as now, when once more seems The goal in sight again. -- Robert Browning, Paracelsus

February 28, 2013
10:27 pm
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Boleyn
Kent.
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I sympathise with you whole heartedly, but to be honest there isn’t a lot you can do. Your sister has made her choice and believes his stories. Personally I think he’s up to no good, and yes I know you and your husband do as well. He’s certainly right about the jail sentence. Even here in Merry old England a person doesn’t get sent down for 2 years because of a parking violation.. 6 months or maybe a year (and they are usually what is called suspended sentences..I.e 6 months in jail suspended for 2 years means basically that you are out on the street but if you commit another offence in those 2 years your sorry arse is thrown in prison to serve your time plus any addition time the courts will give you.) but not 2 years no way. As for his lost weekend I do feel that perhaps he spent the time in the local lock up.
Trouble is that if you say anything to your sister about him and your concerns she’ll dig her heels in, and the in laws will sort of be piggy in the middle of it all. The only thing you really can do is catch her when she falls if that makes sence. You can tell her until you are blue in the face he’s a no good lying two faced scumbag, but she won’t believe you. As hard as it is for you to step back (we all want to protect our loved ones) you are going to have to keep right out of it. She has to find out for herself what he is. Seriously there is nothing you can do Take a deep breath and step back. it may sound selfish but you have to think of your own family (I.e your husband, your child and yourself) Your in laws will be ok but when ever you go over there DO NOT talk about your concerns or I should say if they voice their concerns give a level headed opinion I.e I understand but she’s made her choice. and simply change the subject. Sooner or later she’ll wake up and smell the coffee.
By the way this forum is a lot more than just about historical matters. We are all one big happy family here and will try to help each other where we can.. If you fell like jumping up and down and doing the fandango then do it, no one will judge you in fact after the week we’ve had I feel like doing the fandango myself..LOL In short we listen, and sometimes it’s good to talk to someone who as far the situation as possible..

Semper Fidelis, quod sum quod

February 28, 2013
10:38 pm
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Boleyn
Kent.
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By the way doing a background check on the guy, may seem like a good idea to you, and will perhaps help to put your mind at rest, but your sister won’t thank you for it. In fact she’ll be jolly angry with you that you have gone prying into her affairs (boyfreinds private life).. and it may well cost you more that just money. It could cost you your sister too in the sence that she may well cut you out of her life altogether..

Semper Fidelis, quod sum quod

February 28, 2013
11:32 pm
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black_mamba
Texas, USA
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Thanks so much Boleyn!

You’re right. I just need to take a step back and relax. It’s her life and her choice. I understand that. I just hate worrying about the cops showing up on our place in the middle of the night, to serve a warrant on him for something. Or if he messes up again (which he no doubt will do) how bad is it going to be? :Sigh: I’m just a worrier by nature, though. (I have the ulcers to prove it!)
But, my in laws don’t trust him, and with him being constantly supervised, it might not last long. But, at least I’m not alone in my belief. My husband, and in laws, and my other sister in law and her husband share it. She has a little boy 3 months younger then my son, and she’s pregnant with her 2nd child. She was worried about me being here alone with him. So me and my in laws talked, and he’s never to be her by himself. That really helps, because I’m usually at home by myself with just my two year old. Everyone else is at work, so I was very nervous about that. But, luckily we won’t be left alone here at home or anywhere.Thanks for your advice! I appreciate it very much. Smile

At times I almost dream, I too have spent a life the sages' way,
And tread once more familiar paths. Perchance I perished in an arrogant self-reliance
Ages ago; and in that act, a prayer For one more chance went up so earnest, so
Instinct with better light let in by death, That life was blotted out—not so completely
But scattered wrecks enough of it remain Dim memories as now, when once more seems The goal in sight again. -- Robert Browning, Paracelsus

March 1, 2013
1:49 pm
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Boleyn
Kent.
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With him having to be watched/supervised 24/7 he will soon show his true colours. If he can no longer disappear when he feels like it and spin some yarn he won’t be happy and my guess is he’ll soon take to his heels and leave your sister literely holding the baby.
From what you have said it sounds like the penny/dime has started to drop and your sister is starting to realise that he’s not exactly being truthful. It’s nice that she worries about you being there on your own during the day, but it also tells me that she doesn’t exactly trust him, around either your home or in her home either. I actually feel as if he is using your sister to be honest, and that’s not good, she deserves better than that, and I think that you and your family can see that. Deep down I think she knows it too, she just doen’t want to except it, because in doing so, the old saying “I told you so” would have to be dragged up. Even me with my one remaining working brain cell can see it, and my heart goes out to you and to her for it too as a situation like that is not good, and with a child on the way it’s not going to be good for him/her either.
I don’t know how the judicial system works in American but here in merry old England a person in prison who is due for parole will only be granted parole if they have a secure home and a job, and it does help if you have a steady relationship too as that is seen by the authorities as showing that he has reformed and is prepared to settle down and not be the contemptable arsehole he once was. In short it’s a ruse to con the system.
It’s nice that you in laws were kind enough to offer him a job in the first place, but people like him don’t deserve to be shown kindnesses like that unless they are prepared to work their little cotton socks off to regain the trust shown in them. It strikes me as if your FIL had him sussed out from the start but for your sister sake gave him a chance. (Any chance you FIL would give my husband a job, England is pretty thin on the ground for jobs at the moment. Dinosaur is really a technut and what he doesn’t know about computers can fit in a matchbox, by the way he has worked in the states before and loved it.. He was in Jacksonville FL for 8 months)
I understand your worries, hell I’m just as bad I worry about my brother all the time and he’s 5 years older than me.. I worry all the time about my children the eldest is 24 this year. But at times you just have to let them make their own mistakes and just be there to pick up the pieces.

Semper Fidelis, quod sum quod

March 2, 2013
7:43 pm
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black_mamba
Texas, USA
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January 31, 2013
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Thanks so much for your advice! I really appreciate it!
It’s going to be hard for me to keep my mouth shut, but hey, that’s what alcohol is for!
Laugh

At times I almost dream, I too have spent a life the sages' way,
And tread once more familiar paths. Perchance I perished in an arrogant self-reliance
Ages ago; and in that act, a prayer For one more chance went up so earnest, so
Instinct with better light let in by death, That life was blotted out—not so completely
But scattered wrecks enough of it remain Dim memories as now, when once more seems The goal in sight again. -- Robert Browning, Paracelsus

March 11, 2013
6:57 pm
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KellyMarie
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January 18, 2013
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I hope things have got a little better with you in-laws….its horrible when your stuck in a catch 22 situations i’ve been there myself.

I hope

Woohoo I'm normal...gotta go tell the cat!

March 12, 2013
5:18 pm
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Sharon
Binghamton, NY
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February 24, 2010
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black_mamba said

Thanks so much for your advice! I really appreciate it!
It’s going to be hard for me to keep my mouth shut, but hey, that’s what alcohol is for!
Laugh

Funny how alcohol effects everyone differently. I find I can’t shut up when I drink! Wink
I hope things have improved for you, black_mamba! What a horrible situation for all concerned.

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