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These are Henry's Rules..( Just for Fun)
August 29, 2012
10:21 pm
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Boleyn
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The Male makes the rules.

The Male is never wrong.

The rules are subject to change by the Male at any time without prior notification

No female can possibly know all the rules. Attempts to document the rules are not permitted, and can result in serious bodily harm if attempted.

If the Male suspects that the Female may know some or all of the rules, he has the right to immediately change some or all of the rules, with prior notification.

If the Male is wrong, it is because of an egregarious misunderstanding which was the direct result of vagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the Female said or did wrong.

The Female must must always apologize immediately for having been the cause of the misunderstanding without any clues from the Male as to what he did to have caused the misunderstanding. See above rule.

The Male may change his mind at any time for any reason or no reason at all .

The Female is never permitted to change her mind or under circumstances without the express written consent of the Male which is given only in cases where the Male wanted her to change her mind but gave no indication of that wish.

The Male has the right to be angry or upset for any reason, real or imagined, at any time and under any circumstance which in his sole judgement he deems appropriate. The Female is not to be given any sign of the root cause of the Male’s being angry or upset. The Male may, however, give false or misleading reasons to see if the Female is paying attention.

The Female must remain calm at all times, unless the Male wants her to be angry or upset. Under no circumstances may the Male give the Female any clue or indication whether or why he wants her to be angry or upset

The Female is expected to read the mind of the Male at all times. Failure to do so will result in punishments and penalties imposed at the sole discretion of the Male

The Male may, at any time and for any reason, resurrect any past incident without regard to temporal or spacial distance, and modify, enlarge, embellish, of wholly reconstruct it in order to demonstrate to the Female that she is now or has in the past been wrong, insensitive, pig-headed, dense, deceitful, and/or oafish

The Male may use his interpretation of any past occurrence to illustrate the ways in which the Female has failed to accord him the consideration, respect, devotion, or material possessions, he has bestowed on other Males, domestic pets or barnyard animals, Sporting events, Warships and Palaces. Such illustrations are non-rebuttable

If the Male is experiencing a hangover or has the grumps, the Male is permitted to exhibit any manner of behavior he wishes without regard to logical consistency or accepted norms of human behavior.

Any act, deed, word, expression, statement, utterance, thought, opinion, or belief by the Female is subject to the sole, subjective interpretation of the Male, other external factors not-withstanding. Alibis, excuses, explanations, defenses, reasons, extenuations, or rationalizations will not be entertained. Begging the Male for mercy and forgiveness are acceptable under some circumstances, especially when accompanied by tangible evidence of contrition.

PLEASE NOTE: These rules are subject to change as the Male sees fit. All rules are null and void under the Hangover and dose of the grumps Exception Law. New rules apply during different stages of a Man’s life.

Semper Fidelis, quod sum quod

August 29, 2012
11:31 pm
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Neil Kemp
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I didn’t know Henry played golf!Wink

August 30, 2012
5:33 am
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Olga
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August 30, 2012
3:46 pm
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Claire-Louise
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LOL Laugh

August 30, 2012
7:06 pm
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Sharon
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ROTFL Cool

August 30, 2012
9:15 pm
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Bella44
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Brilliant Boleyn; I didn’t know you knew Henry personally Laugh Laugh Laugh

August 31, 2012
11:09 am
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Tash Wakefield
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I love it, but i think, replace “the male” with “the king” and “the female” with “EVERYONE!!”

September 2, 2012
4:04 pm
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Boleyn
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Henry’s idea of parent hood is..

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about, best friends and favourite foods and secret fears, favourite colours, what games they like to play and hopes and dreams.
Henry is vaguely aware of some short people living in the palace.

Semper Fidelis, quod sum quod

September 3, 2012
7:27 pm
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Sharon
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And those short people better be boys! Frown

September 3, 2012
7:31 pm
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Louise
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If he’d chopped legs off instead of heads he would have had a court full of short people.Laugh

September 4, 2012
1:30 am
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Tash Wakefield
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He treated his kids like his very best crown, they were kept out of sight somewhere and fully maintained by servants, and were only brought out polished and showed off when they would impress important people, although i think he probably remembered what his crown looked like….

September 4, 2012
12:52 pm
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Boleyn
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Henry probably kept a piece of paper up his sleeve with his kids names, D.O.B details who their mother’s were and what sex they were just to remind him who these short people wondering around his court actually were.

You can just see it can’t you Mary walking up to the throne, curtseing and Henry asking ” and who are you again”? or little Eddy asking Hertford “Which one is the King” and Hertford answering “The fat one of the throne”.

Louise: Nice idea he could have wheels fitted to them instead with a piece of elastic stitched to their backs so that whenever he wanted anyone he just had to pull on the elastic and they would come rolling on in. Mind you it would mean him giving them a shove with his foot when he given his order to them to get them to roll off and do it. but I’m sure he could manage that.

Semper Fidelis, quod sum quod

September 7, 2012
8:35 am
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Tash Wakefield
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Im pretty sure i heard my grandparents and great grandparents stating that “children are to be seen not heard” when i was growing up. Seems fruit hasnt fallen far from the tree, even 500 years later! I have to mention ive never said it, but sometimes thought it!! Mainly because my daughter is a motor mouth, she even talks in her sleep!!

September 7, 2012
8:37 am
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Tash Wakefield
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Last night she yelled out at 3am “I WANT FOUR PONIES!” i know this is off topic but i wanted to share, maybe she was a princess in a past life…

October 29, 2012
10:22 pm
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Boleyn
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Henry lay dying in his bed.
While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite biscuits wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.
Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.
With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen.
Were it not for death’s agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite biscuits, freshly baked.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in crumpled posture. His aged and withered hand trembled towards a biscuit at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked by his wife with a wooden spoon.
“Sod Off” she said, ‘They’re for the funeral.’

Semper Fidelis, quod sum quod

October 30, 2012
3:05 pm
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Sharon
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October 30, 2012
7:28 pm
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Boleyn
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Henry had decided that Katherine Parr was getting hard of hearing.
So he called her doctor to make an appointment to have her hearing checked.

The Doctor said he could see her in two weeks, and meanwhile there’s a
simple, informal test the husband could do to give the doctor some idea
of the dimensions of the problem.

“Here’s what you do. Start about 40 feet away from her, and speak in
a normal conversational tone and see if she hears you. If not, go to 30
feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.”

So that evening she’s in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he’s in the
living room, and he says to himself,
“I’m about 40 feet away, let’s see what happens.”

“Honey, what’s for supper?” No response.

So he moves to the other end of the room, about 30 feet away.
“Honey, what’s for supper?” No response.

So he moves into the dining room, about 20 feet away.
“Honey, what’s for supper?” No response.

On to the kitchen door, only 10 feet away.
“Honey, what’s for supper?”. No response.

So he walks right up behind her.
“Honey, what’s for supper?”

“For the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!!!!”

Semper Fidelis, quod sum quod

November 1, 2012
3:56 pm
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Boleyn
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This Joke is a bit naughty, but somehow I could just imagine Henry saying this..

KOA comes up to her husband and says, ‘So, Henry. What do you think of my new bra-less look? Does it make me look younger?’
‘It does!’ Henry says. ‘It pulls all the wrinkles out of your face!’

Semper Fidelis, quod sum quod

November 3, 2012
3:16 pm
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Barnettbuff
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Boleyn said

This Joke is a bit naughty, but somehow I could just imagine Henry saying this..

KOA comes up to her husband and says, ‘So, Henry. What do you think of my new bra-less look? Does it make me look younger?’
‘It does!’ Henry says. ‘It pulls all the wrinkles out of your face!’

Boleyn!!!! You are sooooooo naughty ——but also funny! Thanks. Wink

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