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What Would Anne Do?
July 24, 2009
4:52 am
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Emma_pug
Pennsylvania, USA
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Hello everyone,

I've been absent the past ten days or so, and wanted to share something more personal, less scholarly, involving our Anne.  Hope that is okay.

My grandfather died on July 13.  Not only was it losing a father figure for me (my father died when I was young), but a lot of family politics were involved.  Truly it's a big long soap opera I will not go into.   His passing was not sudden – we had been expecting it – but I struggled with a mix of grief and anger, as family drama exploded and incredibly awkward situations were endured.   As always, I couldn't help thinking of Anne and questioning:  Howdid she handle similar situations? …  What would Anne do?

The answer was always that she would be dignified and true to herself, no matter what anyone thought.  On the hardest day I would think of the strength with which Anne went to her own death, and it kept me from cracking.  At the viewing and the funeral, I wore my Anne necklace from the ABF store (thank you Claire) close to my heart.  Having Anne \”near\” saved my sanity, I truly believe.

Has anyone else had those \”WWAD?\” moments?

I hope to catch up on all the forum discussions soon.  Thank you for listening to my ramble, as there isn't anyone else I dare share this with for fear of them laughing!

Noli me tangere

July 24, 2009
5:27 am
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Sabrina
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I've had those.. whenever I get upset, or when people tend to make me angry, I wonder sometimes how she would act.. Maybe with grace, or just rip in to the individual and make them feel a bit small. I usually just smile and go about  my business… I do have a tendency to open my mouth when I shouldn't though.. maybe that's her influence.. LOL

Let not my enemies sit as my jury

July 24, 2009
10:58 am
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Rochie
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Emma,

Thank you for sharing your sorrow. Lots of people here would understand the way you are feeling.

As well as A.B. and being brave, think too of what Grandfather would want you to feel. He would want you to be happy. Whenever we think of those we have loved – and if it is possible that they 'hear' our thoughts in some way – then I'm sure they would always want us to be happy.

July 24, 2009
4:07 pm
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ipaud
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Hey Emma,

So sorry to hear your news, a loss of anyone close will always be a difficult one to come to terms with. So glad to hear that you had Anne to help you through your sadness.I kinda know what you are talking about.

From the way you talk about your grandfather, it looks like he has and always will have a special place in your heart, that will never change. People react in different ways and as the old saying goes, \”you can choose your friends, family you are stuck with!\”

I have learned a trick, (maybe it will help you?), when my family members are \”not fit for human consumption\”,  I just reduce my exposure to them, if done in a nice way, nothing seems wrong and we can carry on as before when they finally rejoin the human race.

I have found when faced with loss of people close to me, I have to do my grieving in my own personal way, Inward and not for anyones benefit like in your situation, anyone on the outside of your special relationship with your grandfather.

In one such instance a few years ago, I did the \”stiff upper lip and chin up sailor\” routine for all those around me, I can only tell you that in my experience, it will just push it away for a while.  I eventually got acceptance with much prayer and meditation, this is the way that I did it;

the prayer is thinking about that person with a clear head and heart and the meditation is letting your true feelings come through. I found this to be amazing and helpful!

There is absolutely nothing wrong with how you have coped with your loss, I am sure that you will have a very strong spiritual guide in Anne every step of your journey through life.

Also as Anne's memory lives on, so will your grandfathers. Here you are amongst friends and we all think Anne Boleyn is an inspiration for many different reasons, so good for you, you don't need  for us from my experiences with the people on the forum you will have friends who care.

How you feel about him is such a personal Love and you two own that Love between you.

As with Anne, even when she was faced with death on the gallows her faith and Love preserved her for us and she still keeps living on in our hearts and minds.

Glad to have you back on the forum, Emma,

you are with friends.

Paudie.

If it was not this, then it would be something else?

July 24, 2009
6:12 pm
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Claire
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Hi Emma,

I'm so sorry about your grandfather and I'm so sorry that your loss has been \”magnified\” by your family situation. Yes, I do have those WWAD moments and I always think of her dignity going to her death but we can't always be dignified and it's good to get angry and upset once in a while. Just don't bottle it all up as it then tends to explode later!

I'm glad that you feel you can share yoru situation on here, we're all quite nice aren't we?!

Love and prayers x

Debunking the myths about Anne Boleyn

July 24, 2009
8:53 pm
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Melissa
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So sorry to hear of your loss, Emma.  Anne Boleyn would have definitely understood the family politics aspect!  I occasionally do find myself thinking WWAD, especially in social situations.  I also try to learn lessons from her marriage and think \”what wouldn't Anne have done here\” sometimes if I'm arguing with my boyfriend!  I don't need to give any ground to potential \”Jane Seymours\” lol.

Ainsi sera, groigne qui groigne.

July 26, 2009
4:13 am
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Emma_pug
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Hi everyone,  Thank you for your kind words.  I am glad to know that even if I am nuts, I'm not alone!

Life is slowly getting back to normal and that is good.  I have so much to catch up on here. 

Sabrina~   I'm also guilty of something saying things I shouldn't!  That's one thing I love about Anne, the fact that she was just as human as the rest of us.  She didn't tolerate direspect, and her strength is what I think attracts so many of us to her.

Rochie~  Thank you, and you are indeed right in saying that my grandfather wouldn't want me, or any of my family, to struggle and be sad.  That's what I try to remember in my saddest moments.

Paudie~  You have a way with words, bless you.  Anne and my grandfather are both in my heart.  Fortunately I am now done dealing with those family members, and that has reduced the stress so much.  I think that's why I like animals so much!  And I fear you are right that fending off the emotions isn't truly a good thing.  Writing helps me, I've considered just putting angst on paper for my own private use.

Claire~  Thank you – and good point about keeping emotions bottled.  That is my usual method, I know it isn't healthy.  That and escapism by reading Tudor books!  Peace will come.

Melissa~ LOL.  I hear you on that!  I suppose we can take comfort in the fact that in this modern age, it isn't easy to send wives/girlfriends away on false charges. 

Sometimes I feel as if Anne is the proverbial little angel/devil sitting on my shoulder!

Noli me tangere

July 26, 2009
5:06 pm
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ipaud
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Hi Emma,

glad to hear you are getting back to yourself, its a process that you just have to let yourself get on with, it is a journey towards acceptance I have found. There are no set rules of how you should feel after loosing anyone close to you. So you do what is comfortable for you. 

The relationship is not broken with your Grandfather, but on different planes now. It will take a bit of getting used to, but you both will manage to keep up I'm sure.

Its uncanny that the people who are here on Claire's site seem to have the qualities of Anne and you are no exception to this, don't you dare loose those qualities! We seem to connect and have a common outlook and way about us. how great that is…

I had never considered the WWAD thing, how great a thought process it is and I will use it too.

When I visited the Tower on the 19th of May, I stood on the site of the gallows and looked at what Anne last saw on her time on earth and how she must have felt. there are not enough words to explain Anne and her life, her legacy and her death. There is so much more in this, that include a whole range of emotions. So you are not nuts to take guidance from Anne, I hope that she will be with you in your time ahead. 

Claire has some of my pictures on the site, but I have put them all on facebook if you do a search for \”ipaud Tralee\” you can see them.

If I can suggest a movie for you to see, \”Elisabethtown\”,

it explores a lot of the emotions following the loss of someone close it is where I got my tag line;

\”If it was not this, it would be something else?\”

I watch this movie often when I feel down, it draws me in, takes me through a range of emotions and drops me back, a better person.

So glad to have you back,

Paudie.

If it was not this, then it would be something else?

July 27, 2009
1:46 am
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gwenne
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I'm so sorry Emma, my condolences.  And yes I think that Anne would have handled situations just like yours wth some pride and dignity, and forthrightness.  Sometimes Queen Anne flits across my thoughts during the day during stressful times.  I try to picture how she would have dealt with something, then kind of go from there, (although I am trying to ahem restrain my 'tongue' somewhat lol).  I'm pretty sure she wouldn't have suffered a great many fools around her, and if she had to for whatever reason then she would already be five steps in strategic thought ahead of them.  One thing about mean old bullies is that their senses become dulled over time, and they end up undoing themselves.  Sometimes you just smile to yourself and step back into the shadows.  I think Anne probably spent alot of her time not just in the bright sunshine and illustrious glory of fame, but I think she had spent alot of time in the shadows.  Watching.  Figuring.  Patiently biding.  Did she plot and plan maliciously?  Maybe, but who knows for sure.  I do believe given what we understand about her character and our own individual conclusions, that we all can agree on the fact that she was very aware of what was going on around her, and forming her own opinion and convictions on anything that pertained to her, her family, and her ambitions. Yeah, sometimes people need to be told something fairly forthrightly, (they just aren't going to get 'it' any other way) but sometimes I feel that a woman like Anne would instinctively know when restraint, common sense, and good old fashioned planning would work far better in the long run.

Diem et animus scire cupio: I desire knowledge of the soul.

July 29, 2009
5:29 pm
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missisGG
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Hi sorry to hear about your loss, when my Grandad died my cousin started a fight at his funeral it was horrible and a terrible year. My pet cat had died the same week who i'd had since I was born and I had also just come out of a lenghty stay in hospital and was still quite unwell (I have cystic fibrosis). It's not what you need when you lose someone so close but it seems to happen alot and it's so sad.

I think Anne would have been dignified but she wouldn't have held back, just given her opinions in a dignified way so the other person was left gobsmacked and feeling very small. She certainly wouldn't let anyone walk over her and you shouldn't either, it's the way you fight the battle thats the important part, you need to be the better person.

I hope you start to feel happier soon xx

August 2, 2013
8:58 am
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Kaz
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Great question 4 years ago – has anyone had a ‘What Would Anne Do?” moment?

As for me, I sort of have ‘what life would Anne have had if she had stayed with her poet boyfriend?” moments..

..I guess it’s all about growing up for me and finally maturing…as you do when you finish school, life is a bit weird and tough (especially if you are a nerdy/sheltered person!) and you need to learn about ‘street smartness’ and ‘being in the real world’, let me tell you it took me a few attempts to finally realise that not all is what it seems! I was exposed to the corporate world, always dreamt of being in it, but then workplaces were becoming too much like ‘court life’ (lies, deceit, kissing the boss’s bum, affairs between married co-workers, bosses and juniors; corruption etc) – it was too much like living in a soap opera! I kept asking myself -‘so where are the REAL people?” and I was getting sucked into this environment where I really didn’t fit in. But I must admit, it’s places like these that make for great movies, television, books etc – because people in these environments are not your average guys!

I have finally let go of the corporate 24/7 life and have a muchhhhh nicer job where people at work are much happier and more easy-going, there are lots of backpackers visiting our workplace so the environment is very very relaxed for a nice change. I now think, “what if Anne had stayed with her poet boyfriend, or had dated the musician instead of that monster of a king with ten million rules?” – Anne would have had sooooo much more freedom and happiness as a result :) Next time I see a corporate man, I sort of see henry now, and whenever I see a backpacker with long hair and an easygoing attitude, I think of the poets/musicians (all in a decent way of course please!).

But yes, I have -“what if Anne had chosen the happier but humbler life” moments :)

-"Trust in those who offer you service, and in the end my maidens, you will find yourselves in the ranks of those who have been deceived" - Archduchess Margaret of Austria.

August 2, 2013
3:11 pm
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Boleyn
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Sorry to hear of your loss Emma, but just remember your Grandfather will always be a part of your life, and the love you shared lives deep within your heart forever and no one can take that away from you.

MissisGG I know that feeling only too well. When my beloved father died when I was just 19, my stepmother tried to stop me and my brother from attending his funeral. We did attend it however and afterwards at the wake, my stepmother and her freinds were extremely rude to both me and my brother. I found it difficult to swallow my anger as I owed to to my father’s memory not to ruin the memories I had of him by an arguement caused from the bitterness, jealously and spite of just one person. My self control earned me a reward I will never forget. I went to get a drink of water and a woman who I had never met before said “Oh my God, you are Brian’s (my Dad) daughter aren’t you” I turned and smiled and she said “Yep there is no doubt to who you are.” it made me feel happy that my dad’s memory will live on through me and my children, and my daughter Pia is like me a mirror image of her grandfather.
Anne knew that the only peace she would get was to die, and she went to her death knowing that her death would one day make her Elizabeth Queen. She face up to all of life’s challenges with apsolute courage and cool calm intellect.
Stay strong Mississ GG.

Semper Fidelis, quod sum quod

August 3, 2013
1:37 am
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Kaz
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I’m sorry I can’t relate to funerals as I’ve haven’t attended one yet (and don’t look forward to attending one!!!).

I’m sorry Boleyn for your tough time at what should have been a peaceful send-off and reflective time for you and your family. Your story kinda reminded me of Cinderella straight up!! I hope you are in a much happier stage of your life now :) and YAY for everyone here who held themselves high with dignity just like Anne Boleyn did in the tough times that this life suddenly brings up :)

Hugs,
Kaz.

-"Trust in those who offer you service, and in the end my maidens, you will find yourselves in the ranks of those who have been deceived" - Archduchess Margaret of Austria.

August 28, 2013
6:32 pm
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Boleyn
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It was 28 years ago now Kaz and life has moved on, now I’m older and (perhaps) wiser I can see what my stepmother was up to. Greif made her act as she did. I can never forgot the way she she treated my brother and I but I have forgiven her in someway. Again I owe it to my father to do that, for me to hold any form of resentment or bitterness towards her would sully his memory.
My father saved my life 6 weeks after his death anyway, so again I owe it to him to forgive her for her treatment towards me. Best I explain this. 6 weeks after my father died, I was involved in a serious RTA, which nearly killed me. I am firmly convinced I died that night, and as I was crossing over to the great unknown I was travelling towards a very bright light I heard my father’s voice say “NO” and he threw me back down into my body. I was in a coma for just over a week, and a few weeks after I came around, I awoke one night and he was sat by my side, bathed in a very bright light and told me I was going to be alright and that he made a promise that he would forever be with me, when I needed him he would send a sign that he was watching over me and would protect me and mine from harm. He’s kept his promise, I see and hear him often he’s always been there to guide me through any problems.

Semper Fidelis, quod sum quod

August 29, 2013
4:59 am
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Anyanka
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My grandfather died back in 1983…even now I think about how he’d advise me with regards to certain aspects of my life..

Had he still been alive now* ..he’d have loved the internet..being able to access so much knowledge would have been his Dr Who/Star Trek acceptance of modern technology..I remeber talking to him about the early phases of what became the internet and he was ttally amazed by the whole thing..

* He’d be 118..my grandmother 114 yrs old…

It's always bunnies.

August 31, 2013
11:31 am
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Boleyn
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Anyanka. I often wonder (as daft as it sounds) how H8 would have got to grips with internet, etc. Could he get his head around the idea, that we can talk to one another at the press of a button? How would he cope with mobile (cell) phones?. Ha ha if we could go back in time with a mobile phone and whilst standing about our mobile rings (my ring tone is a corker, plays a trance version of the Addams family) we pick them up, and then look at Henry and say “oi lard arse it’s for you.” Could you imagine the reaction… :) :0

Semper Fidelis, quod sum quod

September 5, 2013
5:24 am
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Anyanka
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As long as every-one thought Henry was Da Manz..he’d be happi!Kiss

It's always bunnies.

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